*Ceara Elise* (violetdreamer) wrote,
*Ceara Elise*

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look deeper

Sometimes I feel inadequate.
Sometimes I read the journal entries my friends write and think "wow, she is so smart..." and "damn, that's such a deep person..." and I wish I had more of the beauty I see in these other people.
Sometimes I feel like a stupid lost little girl in the midst of all these beings who know what it's all about, who understand life better than I.
I see people who can work their minds in such beautiful mysterious ways and I can't even fathom the depths of these capabilities at times. What a wonderous mind is that of a musician and that of an eloquent speaker, that of a songstress and that of a theorist.
Sometimes I feel like a pebble among many sunken to the bottom of a pond, and here and there a plant springs up from the rabble and grows until it reaches above the water. Sometimes I think to myself, "I wish I was one of those... How do I get to be one of those?"

And then I must remind myself... I am intelligent and I am deep, I understand so much compared to so many lost souls out there. I know who I am. And I do have beauty inside me - as much as those I admire. And I am so lucky because I have those few who are close enough to me to see these things in me, to encourage me and remind me that I am a good person when I feel loathesome, to tell me I have a beautiful soul. And it is these people I most cherish and for whom I possess unrelinquishable love, although I do endeavor to love everyone unconditionally. Maybe all of this sounds sentimental, and maybe it even sickens some, maybe you think it's cheesy, or overdone, or ridiculous, but it is so much from the heart that I can only say to that - look deeper.
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